I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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