I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
