I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
