I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
