we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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