she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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