Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
