WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
