Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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