take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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