Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
smell my finger.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
