We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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