I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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