It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
