he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
