no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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