recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
