make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
