Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
