Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
