also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
