Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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