I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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