just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
