I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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