Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
