my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am midnight drunk by noon
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
