it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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