I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
