My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
