The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
