it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
