I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
