this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
