No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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