And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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