my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
