Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
