Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
