So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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