Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
