i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
