Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
