chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
