drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
