If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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