yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
