Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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