so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
