We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
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