After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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