watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She bit a glass in half.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
