Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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