Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
