Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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