True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
