Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
