Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
